For now they need me

Over Thanksgiving we spent time with some cousins from out of state that  we hardly ever get to see. Leah immediately latched on to her 11 year old (second) cousin and spent the whole day running around with her. Towards the end of the day I wanted to spend a little time with my girl so I took her outside to go for a walk. She fussed and fought and then finally said the words “I don’t want to be with you. I want to be with my cousin” and went running back into the house.

The look on her little 3 year year old face broke my heart. I could suddenly see her 10 years in the future a teenager and rebelling against the rules. Then a few more years I saw her driving and spending all her time with friends and (as much as I hate thinking of it) boys and then a few more years down the road 18 and leaving the house. It all flashed in front of my eyes so quickly. I’m a little ashamed to admit I cried most of the way home that night. And I’m tearing up now writing this. 

These early years of parenting are tough. I spend nearly every hour of the day being needed by someone. There’s rarely a time I can go to the bathroom, cook a meal, or even drink a cup of coffee without a kid underfoot. Being a natural introvert, it’s incredibly hard for me to rarely get a  moment alone. 

But for now they need me. 

They need me to help them get dressed. To cook them meals. To teach them how to talk. To hold them when they cry. To drive them to the park. To sit and listen to their stories. Soon they won’t need me. 

And that’s the weird juxtaposition of parenting. You want to be needed while molding kids who one day won’t need you. Holding on knowing one day you’ll have to let go. But that day is not today. For now they need me. And that’s okay with me. 


Alex–4 month update

Ms Alex Jane turned 4 months old on the 22nd. She’s continuing to melt our hearts with her sweet, calm nature. 

Even though she’s normally a pretty even-tempered girl she’s recently found her voice. She screeches, squeals, and giggles more often now. 

She rolls now from tummy to back, but only when she feels like it. What she really wants to do is sit up so she can see the world. She’s working on those little muscles but she’s not there yet. 

She’s definitely growing more and more hair. It’s still hard to tell what color it is. In some lights it looks blonde and other lights it looks brown. I guess we will be able to tell more once it grows in a little more. Her eyes are getting lighter blue as well. 

Her favorite person is still her sister but she likes the rest of us okay too ;). But we sure love her!

Sisterly Love

It was around this time last year when I got pregnant with Alex. For a child who was only 2 years and a few month old, Leah seemed to understand. As my belly grew so did her infatuation with her new sibling. When we found out the baby was a girl and decided on her name I remember everything she did  was “for baby Alex” She played baby Alex music on her xylophone, sang her songs, and hugged my belly. Everywhere we went she would point to my belly and say “That’s my baby sister!”

It was most definitely love at first sight when Alex was born. She always wanted to be around her. She never showed much resentment or jealousy. For the first few weeks after she was born Leah would exclaim “She was in your tummy, but she now she come out!!!”

And the love is mutual. As soon as Alex could track things with her eyes she would watch her sister. I am already predicting that as soon as Alex can move she will be getting into whatever her sister is doing.

I’m sure there will be fights. There will be  times their love for each other isn’t so vocal. And don’t even make me think about having 2 teenage girls. But my prayer for them is that they’ll always love each other deep down. That they’ll take care of each other.  That they will be there for each other in ways I can’t be.

Their dad and I can’t always give them every material gift that we wish we could, but we gave them each other. I hope they never take that for granted.