Why I’m tired

Sleep and I have a love hate relationship. I love it and it elusively escapes me like it’s playing hard to get. I think it is physically impossible for me to sleep through a whole night anymore. I literally can’t remember the last time it happened. 

Here are the things that wake me up on a regular if not nightly basis:

Alex– Obviously my 3 month old wakes me up. That’s par for the course with a baby. But let’s not talk about how she for whatever reason went from only waking up once a night to now waking up three times a night to eat. She’s also still in our room so I wake up from every teeny little sound she makes. If you’ve every slept next to a grunting, snorting, thrashing baby you know what I’m talking about. It’s like trying to sleep in the same room with a barnyard animal. 

(Her Mom-did-you-just-compare-me-to-a-barnyard-animal face)

My husband– If you know Nathan, you know he’s a night owl. I go to bed at 10 (and okay sometimes 9) So him getting into bed at some ungodly hour wakes me up every time and then I have to get up because..

My bladder– It was tiny before I had kids but now after having 2 babies I swear it’s the size of a pea and always full of pee. I can’t sleep with any amount of urine in my bladder. None. I’m not exaggerating when I say I get up to pee 5 times in an 8 hour period. It’s ridiculous. 

My stomach– I’ve been working hard trying to lose the baby weight which means eating less calories which means of course when Alex wakes me up with her grunting I wake up ravenous. I could pretend I go to the kitchen and get a handful of almonds or something healthy but if I’m being truthful I’m usually shoving goldfish or a mini cupcake or something equally nutritious in my mouth before climbing back into bed. 

Nightmares– The night before last I finally was getting a somewhat decent nights sleep when I woke up in a cold sweat from a terrifying nightmare (I’ll spare you the details because it was THAT bad). I guess that’s what I get for watching countless hours of true crime TV shows, but it seemed like a cruel joke when I woke up because of something completely imaginary which brings us to the worst offender…

My brain– Case and point? I’m writing this stupid blog post when everyone else in my house is sleeping because my brain WILL NOT SHUT UP. Where were you during the day, Brain, when I needed you to remember where I put something or the password to an old email? Oh yeah you were sleeping because you stayed up all night thinking: Is the cheese in the fridge bad? Or can cheese even go bad? I should look that up. I also need to look up a good recipe I can put in the crock pot  *Alex snorts* I wonder if her breathing is okay? Does she have asthma or something? Should she be rolling over by now? At what age did Leah start rolling? It was around this time. Does that mean I need to stop swaddling her? I need to look that up…

That my friends is why I am/look tired. So please for the love of everything if you have had a full nights sleep in the last three years please don’t utter the phrase “I’m tired” in front of me. I may explode. 

Now to go find some coffee…


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