Ms Leah Mae turned 5 months old on the 21st. Each month is special and has its ups and downs, but I think we are in a bit of a sweet spot right now. She’s sleeping great, eating great, and we have a bit of a routine down. She isn’t mobile yet, but can play interact with everyone. She loves her toys and is going longer stretches with entertaining herself. All in all she is just a happy smiley little girl. I’m enjoying her to the extreme right now and a little part of me wishes I could just keep her this small forever.
She has definitely found her voice recently and spends the majority of her day squealing. In fact, in the mornings I am awoke by her squealing and jabbering in her crib instead of crying now. She also loves blowing raspberries which is cute, but usually results in whoever is with her taking a spit bath. She is also giggling more now and her daddy and I both do the silliest things to try and get a laugh out of her.
Her feet are a constant source of entertainment. She loves pulling on them and has even managed to get them in her mouth a few times. Speaking of her mouth, everything goes in there. Her hands, my hands, her toys, her blankets–everything.
I love watching her explore the world around her. One of her favorite things is watching River (our Golden Retriever) and both her grandparent’s dogs play. She will laugh and laugh when the dogs play and she will stop whatever she is doing to watch River chew her bone. River has even let Leah pet her a few times but she still isn’t quite sure what to do with her yet. I’m hoping they’ll be buddies one day soon.
There is so much these pictures can’t capture like the way she can light up a room with her smile. Or how her whole body bounces with excitement when she’s happy. Or the way her eyes sparkle as she takes every little thing in. I hope I can always remember the way my heart melts when she smiles up at me when I go to get her from her crib. Or how it feels to hold her in my arms as I rock her to sleep at night. I am very blessed to have such a sweet little girl. And I’m very blessed to have so many people in her life that love her.
But I mean, how could you not love that little face?
One of my goals for the new year is to document my life more. This means writing in a paper journal. This means taking more pictures. And this means sharing life here on this blog. But it is hard when I feel sometimes that my life is just not blog worthy.
My home isn’t perfectly decorated. I don’t bake beautifully prepared sweets. I can no longer squeeze my post partum body in those fashion forward outfits I used to wear (and document). I don’t do a DIY project every day (and the ones I do get done often fail) I feel inferior to all the women who have these beautiful lives that are Pinterest worthy, blog worthy, share on Facebook worthy. I feel as though I have so much to figure out in comparison to these women. And that maybe one day I will have a life that is worthy.
And in the meantime I am forgetting to document the life I do have.
A few weeks ago I went out for a walk with Leah (my four month old) in the stroller and River (my Golden Retriever) on the leash and I even brought an orange to snack on. I bet if someone saw me they’d think “There’s a mom who has it all together” But they didn’t see a few minutes earlier when I was crying over my extra baby weight. And people who follow me on Instagram or Facebook probably see all the sweet photos I upload of my baby and think we have some sort of perfect life. But you don’t see those times I feel like running and hiding and quitting being a mom because it is HARD.
I may share this photo with you…
But most of them look more like this:
So basically I am writing this to say I’m done feeling as though my life isn’t worthy. Because guess what it IS worthy. Me with my hand-me-down furniture and my unmade bed and my unmade face and my projects that are always only half done. And whoever out there is reading this (probably just my mom but that’s okay) your life is worthy too. Yes you with your bed head and bleary eyes and dishes piled in the sink and all your Pinterest fails. You’re worthy. Your life is worthy.
Your life is worth sharing with the world just as it is.
2013 was the hardest year I have yet to experience
I dealt with the loss of my grandmother, struggled along with my husband while he was unemployed, experienced a huge physical transformation, and not to mention I underwent the most pain my body has ever gone though.
But at the end of the year I had this:
The most beautiful, happy, smiley, goofy, sweet baby on the planet. 2013 was a year that changed my life forever. It was the year that gave me a new title “Mom” I learned about sacrifice. I learned about contentment in all circumstances. And I learned about (and am still learning about) pure and overabundant joy.
Thank you Lord for the hard times because the make the good ones so much better.
(But I wouldn’t complain if 2014 was a little bit easier)